Unfailing Love.

Here’s to a year of leading a tight-woven small group for the first time in my life (in contrast to my pseudo small group leader days in high school).  I still have a lot to learn and I’ve experienced so much grace this year.  I feel like these things I worry about, whether it be in the area of ministry or work or grades…they all fall under the same category of God’s provision.  It’s funny cause I’ve realized this countless times.  But I think this is the first time I’ve felt peace in knowing that.

You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can’t understand
Praise You God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love.

reader.google.com

is my friend.  It tells me all I need to know about things I care about but no one else in their right mind would care so much for it that they would spend hours with it.  I have nothing but food blogs in my reader.  But anyway, I sink it is an ingenious invention…and I made my first legitimate music purchase 2 days ago since 2002 o.O  wow.  that is a long time ago.  I have stolen so much music since then…er…I don’t know if I should end this sentence with a “haha” or not.  I’m leaning toward not.
I need to give thanks to God today!  Today has been a bad day.  I overlapped appointments with people because I am forgetful so I had to cancel one…I hate canceling appointments that aren’t doctor appointments.  except then my other study appointment today canceled on me, so i can reclaim my other appointment with my other person.  I am all over the place.  I am like butter spread thin on a hot potato that ends up running all into the cracks and over the edges making a big buttery mess.  I think I’m just hungry right now.  I’m at work right now awaiting the results of an experiment I’m running… *30 minutes later*…and2/3 samples turned out negative.  crap.  the same thing happened yesterday so today was supposed to be hopeful   but nothing works the way you want it all the time.  I think I’m gonna have to get used to this…failure and disappointment thing, and also get used to the giving thanks thing even though I don’t feel good about anything at the moment.  Usually I can tell when I’m feeling thankful, because there’s just this happy feeling in my gut.  My gut is not feeling happy.  It is feeling hungry.  There’s a recurring theme of food here…I feel ridiculous.  Delirious.  Frrrazzled from a long week….I was dropping important things left and right today and my brain was missing.
Oops.  Almost forgot about giving thanks:
After 4.5 months of volunteering ~11 hours/week at the lab they decided they are going to pay me.  And my bosses said they like me.  I hope it stays that way.
… why is it so hard to give thanks when I’m a grump.  I was riding on the happy cloud 2 days ago because of my official job-acquisition, and I definitely still am happy about it, just not as ecstatic and thankful as when I first found out.  Because 2 days later, I found out everything will not stay happy-go-lucky forever.

feelings of happiness = thanksgiving

Oh yes, there is a difference between feeling thankful and being thankful.  But is being without feeling genuine and authentic and hip? I dunno.  I think this just takes practice.