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I’ve decided I will not blog on Fridays. Because I am prone to complain at the end of a long week. Hohum =). Praise God! Not just because this week isn’t far enough in to be terrible, but because He has been good in the past and present. And when I remember the things He’s done it fills me with =) joy. And then he keeps reminding me again and again that I don’t need to be rushing around trying to do everything. He’s got my back. I almost typed know instead of need. I guess I don’t need to know everything either. Gives everything more mystery. Which is good. Whenever I blog I start worrying about my future. I don’t know why. Makes me think of “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” And what a coincidence that the verse before it is “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”

So here I am rejoicing because I can see clearly that God is good and then I start getting anxious. Whoa. What comes next I wonder. Hrms. Gotta go be contemplative and prayerful now.

following by listening

When I think of listening and discerning the spirit, I get the image of a blind person in a huge room that’s like a maze, but a lot bigger so the person can’t feel their way around. There are sounds all around, but he has to pick out the one sound that is the one guiding him in the correct direction. So he must listen carefully. I’m coming to a point where I’m getting nervous about grad school applications, building my resume, and recommendation letters. The last one is my biggest fear. I hate asking for favors. I also don’t know how to tell my friends I seriously want to spend my spring break studying for the GRE. The life of a people-pleaser.
Well, I think I’m never going to have enough time to study for everything as thoroughly as I should. Though my schedule this quarter is very condusive for studying. I have so many ridiculous gaps where it’s not enough time to go home to nap or whatever. So here I am, on campus still, waiting for my 5:30 ochem lab-bleh-. It’s scheduled to end at 8:18 PM most days X( X( X(.

Back to the title. So the question is, is the academic career path I’m proceeding on now the one God is trying to lead me to? That question has been barely existent in the very very back of my mind for about 2 years now and I think that’s long enough. And really, this should require a lot of prayer even if I was 99.99% sure about what I was doing. So I think it’s about time to sit at the feet of Jesus, have a long, long heart-to-heart that extends over a period of a lifetime, and to start listening. Carefully.

your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash

and thus is the story of my winter break. I’m really starting to loathe PMS and sappy romance novels made movies. Mood swings and vampire love are such wastes of time. I want to read the Twilight series but there are more important things I should read before I think about obsessing over sparkly vampires.
I am dispensable. All I do is dispensable. Something silly I realized yesterday on Christmas was that it’s not about me. It’s not about how many presents or cards are given to me, or whether or not my holiday is holly and jolly. It’s about Him. Not just making it about Him by completing a checklist of religious things to do/think about during this time…I do those things about twice a day now, and I wouldn’t doubt the small number of occurrences where I’m thinking or talking to Jesus these days. Much less talking about Him.
What is it about this season that silences me?
Why am I so easily distracted with all the things I don’t like about Christmas?
Unfortunately not enough people read my blog right now to answer that question for me. Therefore I feel free to be vague on the things I would like to complain about the holiday season
And also…I just thought of a New Year’s resolution, or just in general: When tempted to complain, pray! That would be awesome to catch myself complaining and pray instead. Cause I sure do complain a lot.